01 April 2008

110. San Francisco Woman Who Likes Both Democrats But Voted Hillary

My boss wanted to hire this anarchist with a loud personality and tattoos on her throat. She seemed feral to me, and I had doubts about how well she would fit into our office culture. My boss and I went to her apartment, which was a mess. Dozens of people lived there. There were two coat racks, which were destabilized by the weight of many winter coats. The anarchist was very confessional and soon told us that she was Barack's niece.

Then we were on the campaign trail. It was literally a trail: a wide, dusty, Old Western trail. Barack asked my college best friend and I to go into a hotel bedroom. Then he asked us if we would have sex with him. He was polite and reserved, and when we said no, he seemed neither disappointed nor surprised. I did kiss him, and it felt solid.

Once we were back on the trail, I felt suddenly charged with a mission. I argued that it was important that no one find out that Barack's niece is unhinged and living in an urban commune. I said that if the press got hold of a photo of her moldy and filthy bathroom, it would mean big trouble for Barack. Plus, I said, I heard that she was planning on installing a gun holster in her shower curtain.

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